1. “I expect sex on the first date. To be fair, I only meet girls over Tinder and make it clear in my profile it’s all I’m looking for. So if she doesn’t put out the first time I invite her over, she usually doesn’t get a call back.” — Jesse, 22
2. “There’s no real time limit. I’m not going to dump a girl because we’ve been on three dates and I haven’t seen her boobs yet. I don’t want to pressure anyone. It will happen when the time is right. But, at the same time, if we’ve been seeing each other for six months and we haven’t had sex even once, I’d assume something is wrong. That she wasn’t into me.” — Luke, 26
3. “It definitely depends on the situation. I waited half a year for an ex, but we were long distance so I couldn’t really complain. But then I waited a month for this other girl, which doesn’t sound like long at all, but she was practically living with me. We slept in the same bed every other night and it was torture to not touch her.” — Jason, 27
4. “Three months was the longest a girl had me wait. But we only saw each other like, once per week. It’s not like we were having sleepovers every weekend. It made sense for us to wait that long, because we barely knew each other.” — Chris, 21
5. “I mean, back in high school I dated a girl for three years without sleeping with her. She wouldn’t even let me feel her up over the shirt until we turned seventeen. But I’m in my 30s now, so I don’t think I’d be as patient anymore.” — Allen, 32
6. “Every girl I’ve been in a serious relationship with has slept with me on the first or second date. A lot of people care about chemistry and the way someone acts in the bedroom says a lot about them as a person. If you wait too long to have sex with someone and then it sucks, you wasted months of your life.” — Max, 28
7. “I wouldn’t mind if a girl made me wait an entire year, as long as she’s doing it for a good reason. For her religion. Or because she wants to make sure I’m serious about her. I just don’t want to deal with any games. I don’t want her to make me wait, just because it’s fun and makes her feel in control of me or some shit.” — Troy, 25
8. “I don’t think a girl is a slut if she fucks me on the first date. And I don’t think she’s a prude if she wants to wait to get to know me better first. If I like her enough, I’ll wait for as long as she wants me to.” — Alec, 24
9. “I could wait maybe six months for sex, as long as she’s still willing to give me blowjobs or at least handjobs. Otherwise, what’s the point in dating? If I’m going to be there for her emotionally, I need her there for me sexually. Sorry.” — Colin, 23
10. “I waited eight months to sleep with my first girlfriend. I feel like it was worth it. I really loved her by then — and call me corny but I think sex is best with people you actually care about.” — Mason, 24
11. “My girlfriend slept with me in the middle of our first official date. But we were friends for almost six months before that, so she knew me really well already.” — Joel, 29
12. “I was actually the one who wanted to wait for sex once, because I just got out of a shitty relationship and didn’t want to take advantage of the next girl, and it was horrible. She thought I wasn’t attracted to her. That it was weird I wouldn’t take her clothes off. Worst time of my life.” — Seth, 22
13. “Full disclosure: I was a whore until I met my fiancé. My number was in the double digits. But she wants to wait until marriage. I wouldn’t do that for anyone else. I’d never even think about it. But I love her. I’m willing to wait for her. And the wedding is three months from now, so I should be able to make it.” — Jack, 25
Table of Contents
Is waiting for him normal or a red flag?
Signs you’re wasting time on him
How long should you wait for someone before you give up on him and move on?
Is waiting for him normal or a red flag?
There’s a lot of debate about whether or not waiting for someone is normal, or if it’s a sign that there might be trouble in the relationship.
Ultimately, only you can decide what’s right for you and your relationship. But it’s important to be aware of the possible implications of waiting too long.
Here’s a real scenario from Mari:
I’m 30 years old, divorced with no kids, smart, pretty not only on the outside but on the inside too (so people tell me,) very family-oriented, and have great values. I’ve followed your advice from A to Z, and GOD HAVE THEY HELPED!!!! But now I’m incredibly puzzled and need your advice.
Less than a month ago, I started dating a guy who, according to my mother, I shouldn’t even be dating because he’s “way too good looking,” and “guys like that” don’t like to be in steady relationships.
Anyway, I try to think about what you’ve said about your wife, how at the beginning she wasn’t the type of girl you were used to dating. And I’ve followed every step you talk about when it comes to her, “to be cool, calm, and collected….”
Here’s a catch:
From day one, this guy and I had great chemistry in the sense that we truly enjoyed each other’s company.
- He is the one that calls me (even if I’m dying to call, I wait for his call.)
- He is the one that talks about seeing each other and so on. (No sex yet, as I want to know him a little better.)
- He’s starting to like me genuinely, and that concerns him because it’s not a good idea as perfect as that is. (As far as I know, I’m the only person he’s dating.)
- He told me that it wasn’t supposed to happen that way, nor was he supposed to feel so comfortable around me!
I really like this guy and don’t want to mess things up. So I just smiled and avoided getting too deep into the subject as I noticed he was a bit stressed over it.
Signs you’re wasting time on him
There’s no getting around it – when you’re looking for love, one of the most important things to figure out is how long you should wait for him.
After all, you don’t want to be stuck in a dead-end relationship.
However, if it’s only been a few weeks, it’s probably too soon to give up hope.
Here are some signs it might be time to move on:
- If you’ve been seeing him for over a month and things are not escalating.
- If you’re not getting any indication that your partner is interested in moving things forward romantically.
- If he continually makes excuses for why he can’t meet up with you.
If you’re seeing a guy you like and facing this dilemma of seeing how long it takes for your guy to step up, keep reading below.
How long should you wait for someone before you give up on him and move on?
I’m guessing everyone reading this has been in the same position as you, with the same question:
“How long do I invest in a man before I panic that I’m wasting my time?”
And try though I might, this isn’t something that can easily be reduced to a simple science. Each man has his own unique set of issues.
You entered the relationship based on your feelings
Six months ago, I wrote a newsletter to my mailing list, which proclaimed, “Believe the Negatives. Ignore the Positives.”
Believe the Negatives. Ignore the Positives.
I meant by that that many women have willingly entered into new relationships and passionate affairs based on their feelings alone.
- The breathless waiting for his call.
- The physical need to touch him.
- The giddiness he inspires when you’re together.
All the while, you conveniently ignore the fact that he may have initially told you, up front, “I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”
He feels like he’s off the hook because he told you the truth in the first place. You forget that he doesn’t want to be anybody’s boyfriend because of how you feel when you’re together.
You forget that he doesn’t want to be anybody’s boyfriend because of how you feel when you’re together.
Then, one day, when you start to wonder where things are going, he reminds you of that conversation you had in your first week where he laid down the law.
Red flags can be warning signs.
Every woman who proceeds to date a guy who “isn’t looking for anything serious” or deeper commitment is essentially driving over the orange cones and through the yellow tape that signify danger, and wondering why she always gets into an accident.
You ignored the warning signs, such as “I don’t want a girlfriend.” What did you expect?
This isn’t a matter of defending guys who date you even when they’re emotionally unavailable. This is merely pointing out that it happens ALL the time.
You’re Ms. Right Now. You want to be Ms. Right, but he’s not currently taking applications.
Then why does he act so open? Why does he call you and treat you so well? Why does he hint at a future?
There are a couple of very reasonable answers to this question, but the primary ones are:
1. It’s in his best interests to treat you well.
What possible purpose would it serve for him to be rude to you? Do you think that’s a proper way to treat somebody?
Of course not. So he calls you (because he wants to see you), he sleeps with you (because he’s attracted to you), and he talks about falling in love one day (because he wants to fall in love one day.)
It’s entirely possible to do ALL of these things and still not want to have a serious, committed relationship right this second. And that’s what you see over and over.
2. He doesn’t KNOW what he wants.
You should understand this because you don’t know what you want half the time either.
Do you want the exciting guy who leaves you breathless? The safe guy who treats you like gold and always lets you know where you stand? Do you want wild, unattached sex? Or to date around to explore your options while you focus on yourself and your career?
Confusion and ambivalence are human traits, not just male ones. He may feel that he’s not ready for love or a committed relationship right now….and still, legitimately be falling in love with you.
So what do you do, Mari?
You take it all in. You don’t make any rash decisions. You let him reveal himself in his actions and not just his words. You continue to be the woman that no man can leave.
And you pay attention to the signs that he’s not ready for deeper commitment — his anxiety, where he’s at in his career, how old he is, whether his friends are happily married, what he wants in the long run.
Take note: If you see too many red flags, you get out.
But if you’re happy and he’s happy, he may just be adjusting to the present moment, his new reality — that he IS ready for love…with YOU.
Give him a chance before you bail on him. The only way it can happen is if you let it happen, not if you pull the plug.