What is one major reason why the divorce rate for remarriages is significantly higher than for first marriages?

“How common is divorce?” Divorce is very common in the United States with almost half of all marriages ending in divorce or permanent separation.  Commitment has been shown to be a clear factor in why some couples stay together.  There are times when divorce is necessary, but those in other circumstances often later indicate they wish they would have tried harder before divorcing.  There are many factors that place a couple at higher risk for divorce.  It may be helpful to know some of the statistics and findings outlined below.

What percentage of marriages end in divorce?

Researchers estimate that 40%-50% of all first marriages will end in divorce or permanent separation and about 60% – 65% of second marriages will end in divorce.  Although divorce has always been a part of American society, divorce has become more common in the last 50 years.  Changes in the laws have made divorce much easier.  The highest divorce rates ever recorded were in the 1970s and early 1980s.  Divorce rates have decreased since that time, but still remain high.

What factors are associated with a higher risk for divorce?

Over the years, researchers have determined certain factors that put people at higher risk for divorce:  marrying young, limited education and income, living together before a commitment to marriage,  premarital pregnancy, no religious affiliation, coming from a divorced family, and feelings of insecurity.

Young age.  Marriage at a very young age increases the likelihood of divorce, especially in the early years of marriage.

Less education.  Research shows that those with at least some college education (vs. high school or not finishing high school) have a lower chance of divorce.   

Less income.  Having a modest income can help couples avoid stress that may lead to divorce.   

Premarital cohabitation.  Couples who live together before marriage appear to have a higher chance of divorce if they marry, but the risk is mostly true for those who have cohabited with multiple partners.  A common belief is that living together before marriage provides an opportunity to get to know each other better, but research has found those that live together before marriage have already developed some leniency towards divorce.   This leniency towards divorce is what leads the couple to become high risk. However, there are some caveats to these findings.  Research suggests couples who get engaged and then move in together are no longer at a high risk for future divorce.   Their commitment towards marriage reduces the risk of a future divorce.

Premarital childbearing and pregnancy.  Childbearing and pregnancy prior to marriage significantly increase the likelihood of future divorce.

No religious affiliation.  Researchers have estimated those with a religious affiliation compared to those who belong to no religious group are less likely to divorce.

Parents’ divorce.  Unfortunately, experiencing the divorce of your parents doubles your risk for divorce.  And if your spouse also experienced their parents’ divorce than your risk for divorce triples.  This does not mean you are predisposed to having your marriage end in divorce, only that you may need to be more aware of your marriage trends and work harder for a successful marriage.  For more information on what a healthy marriage entails click here.                                                                                                                  

What are the most common reasons people give for their divorce?

Research has found the most common reasons people give for their divorce are lack of commitment, too much arguing, infidelity, marrying too young, unrealistic expectations, lack of equality in the relationship, lack of preparation for marriage, and abuse.  Many of the common reasons people give for their divorce can fall under the umbrella of no longer being in love.  Research suggest the nature of love changes over time.  If you feel as if you have fallen out of love, marriage counseling may help offer a new perspective that will help you rediscover that love.

Why is commitment so important?

Dr. Scott Stanley, a prominent marriage researcher and therapist, defines commitment as “having a long-term view of the marriage that helps us not get overwhelmed by the problems and challenges we experience day to day.”  Having a personal dedication to your marriage involves a real desire to be together with one’s spouse in the future and having an identity as a couple.   When there is a high level of commitment in a relationship, we feel safer and are willing to give more.  Developing this level of commitment can take time as you learn to change your mindset.  When your level of commitment seems to be fading it can be helpful to remember the good times in your relationship.

Are there clear valid reasons for divorce?

Some couples are faced with very difficult situations, such as abuse, infidelity, or addictions. Each of these situations deserves special consideration:

Abuse

• When there is a pattern of abuse in a marriage or in a family, not surprisingly there is evidence that ending the marriage is usually best for all involved. While some spouses are able to end and overcome abuse, abused spouses and children are usually better off when the marriage is ended.
• Sometimes, ending a marriage with an abusive spouse can be dangerous, however. It is probably a good idea to work with a domestic violence shelter in your community to help you end the relationship safely.
• If you suspect that you (or someone you know) is in an abusive relationship, you may want to look at this webpage on Signs of Abuse. Also, for more information and help, you can access the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233, or visit their website at http://www.thehotline.org/.

Infidelity

• Most Americans say they would end their marriage if their spouse cheated on them.  However, many couples (50-60%) who have dealt with infidelity in their marriages find the will and strength to stay together.
• An excellent resource to learn more about recovering from marital infidelity is the book, Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On—Together or Apart.
• Also, consider getting help from a well-trained marriage counselor and/or a dedicated religious leader who will help you heal, decide what to do, and repair the marriage, if you decide to stay together. Recovering from infidelity can be very difficult to do without some help.

Addictions

• Addiction can come in many forms, such as alcohol, drugs, gambling, or pornography.
• If you are faced with addictions or a spouse is suffering from addictions, you can find help from organizations such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous.
• In some cases, the addict can recover and the marriage can be repaired. In other cases, it is best for the spouse and children to separate from the addict to see if progress can be made. Each person has unique circumstances and must decide what is right for her or him. Again, consider turning to a trained professional and/or a religious leader to help you know how best to handle your situation.

Find the research support here.

Respondents in the Australian Divorce Transition Project were asked, 'What would you say was the main reason for your marriage ending?' The 17 respondents who did not reply to this question are excluded from the remaining analysis.

For simplicity of discussion, and later to extend the analysis, the majority of responses have been grouped under three major dimensions that correspond to those described in the literature (Gigy and Kelly 1992; Cleek and Pearson 1991; Kitson with Holmes 1992). The categories are: 'affective reasons', 'abusive behaviours' and 'external pressures'. Additional responses have been coded in a category called 'other'.

Affective reasons

Consistent with most other studies of marriage breakdown (Burns 1984; Eells and O'Flaherty 1996; Wolcott 1984; Ponzetti et al. 1992), Table 3 shows the most common reasons given by respondents for their marriage ending centred around the affective qualities of the relationship including communication problems (27 per cent) and incompatibility/drifting apart (21 per cent). Communication problems was the most commonly cited cause for both men (33 per cent) and women (23 per cent). Similar proportions of men and women felt that incompatibility/drifting apart was the major cause.

Notes: Missing cases=17 (no reason given). x 2(11)=59.38, p<.001 (women's reports versus men's reports). 
Source: Australian Institute of Family Studies, 1999.

Some studies have found that higher proportions of women than men mention complaints about communication (Gigy and Kelly 1992). Others have also reported gender agreement on this dimension (Burns 1984; Cleek and Pearson 1985). Such differences may be related to how respondents' reasons are expressed and then interpreted into specific codes. For example, Burns (1984) included 'lack of common interests' in the 'lack of communication' category. In the ADTP, the category of 'incompatibility/ drifting apart' included statements originally coded as 'other' that expressed loss of love, trust and changed values and lifestyle demands or desires. For example: 'There was a lack of love, we grew apart emotionally.' 'We had completely different ideas on our way of life and the way we lived.' We changed differently and grew separately.' 'Just basic incompatibility with different interests.' Or more simply: 'Just two people growing apart.'

Only a small proportion of men and women (less than 2 per cent) specifically mentioned sexual incompatibility as a main reason for divorce.

As with incompatibility or drifting apart, communication problems can be either a short-hand or a global attempt to verbalise an array of situations connected with emotional erosion in the relationship - not being understood, feeling that needs are not being met, loss of affection and companionship, feeling lonely and unappreciated. Such reasons are likely to be symptoms of problems with deeper psychological or social roots (Simons 1999).

Infidelity

While often categorised separately, as in this study, infidelity often connotes a deterioration in the affective and emotional realm of the marriage associated with loss of love, betrayal of trust, indifference and growing apart (Glass and Wright 1997).

Infidelity was perceived as the main provocation for divorce by 20 per cent of both men and women. For the majority, it was a spouse's infidelity that was the precipitating factor. Only 11 respondents, eight of whom were men, claimed their own infidelity as a reason.

The discrepancies between reported spouse and self attributions of infidelity as a major reason for divorce can be influenced by a respondent's reluctance to admit that his or her own behaviour may have been involved (South and Lloyd 1995). Respondents may also have been more inclined to see personal infidelity as the consequence of other problems (such as incompatibility) that led to the marriage breakdown.

However, the impact of infidelity as a reason for divorce may depend on the meaning individuals attach to its importance. Some may tolerate an affair in the relationship for a variety of reasons, while for others infidelity is a fundamental and unforgivable breach in the marital contract (Vaughn 1986; Hartin 1998).

The dominance of affective reasons given by respondents as the main perceived cause of their marriage breakdown confirms the emphasis placed on the emotional closeness and companionship dimensions of relationships that appear to define contemporary marriages (Wallenstein and Blakeslee 1995; Gottman 1994; Giddens 1992).

Abusive behaviours and personality traits

A range of personality characteristics and behaviours attributed to oneself or, more frequently, one's spouse, have been mentioned in the literature as reasons for marriage breakdown. Often included in this category are alcohol and drug use problems, jealousy, dominance, immaturity, gambling , physical and emotional violence, and mental illness (Thurnher et al. 1983; Burns 1994; Wolcott 1994; Amato and Rogers 1997).

Alcohol and drug abuse

In the ADTP, 11 per cent of women and 3 per cent of men reported alcohol or drug abuse as the main reason for divorce. Although the responses did not distinguish between whether it was the respondent or their partner who had an alcohol or drug abuse problem, previous studies have found that wives are more likely than husbands to nominate negative personality traits of their spouse including alcohol and drug use and emotional and physical abuse (Kitson and Sussman 1982; Cleek and Pearson 1985).

Physical, verbal and emotional violence to self or children

Of the 6 per cent of respondents who reported that physical violence was the main reason for marriage breakdown, all but one of the 35 were women. In six of these cases, physical danger to a child was the reason.

Since respondents were only asked if physical violence to themselves was the main reason for marriage breakdown, men would not have had the opportunity to indicate that their own aggressive behaviour toward their wives was a main cause of divorce, a more commonly reported situation in the literature (Holtzworth-Munroe et al. 1997).

Verbal and emotional abuse was cited as a main reason by only 2 per cent of respondents - in the main, women. Again, depending on how respondents interpreted the meaning of this reason, aspects of this form of abuse could have been subsumed in other responses related to a spouse's personality traits or communication problems.

The presence of physical violence or emotional abuse may not be alluded to as the main reason for divorce. A recent Australian survey of the incidence of spousal violence during marriage and/or after separation (Sheehan and Smyth 1999) found fairly similar proportions of men (55 per cent) and women (62 per cent) reported experiencing physical violence including threats by their former spouse. Emotional abuse was reported by 84 per cent of women and 75 per cent of men.

Marital therapists report that between 40 to 60 per cent of couples seeking marital therapy have experienced episodes of violence in their relationship although only between 6 and 10 per cent of clients spontaneously mention violence as an issue. Incidents of violence often emerge during the course of interviews or through responses to checklists on dealing with conflict (Wolcott and Glezer 1989; Ehrensaft and Vivian 1996; Holtzworth-Munroe et al. 1997). In this context it may be useful to note that definitions of violence can be narrow or broad incorporating a wide range of behaviours (Sheehan and Smyth 1999).

External pressures

Factors outside the interpersonal relationship may impinge on the relationship generating stress leading to marriage breakdown.

Mental and physical health

Physical and mental health reasons were not recorded as separate complaints in the ADTP, so mental health conditions were not able to be interpreted as aspects of other behaviours such as alcohol abuse or extreme jealousy which some respondents may have assumed in their responses (and other studies have so categorised). Physical illness and mental health problems have often been incorporated within the category of external pressures and are so included in this analysis (Kitson and Sussman 1982).

Approximately 5 per cent of both men and women reported physical or mental health as the main reason the marriage ended. It is not possible to determine whether, in some cases, respondents would have included alcohol and drug use, or some forms of emotional abuse, as a mental health reason.

Physical and mental illness can increase stress in relationships and lower marital satisfaction. Poor health can strain finances, affect sexual relations, and create tensions around caring and the division of labour - leading to diminished marital satisfaction (Booth and Johnson 1994). Illness can also bring couples closer together, depending on the nature of the illness, supports available and levels of marital cohesion. Depression and other mental health illnesses appear to have a greater impact on marital satisfaction than many physical illnesses (Schmaling and Sher 1997).

According to Halford and Bouma (1997:293): 'Marital distress and psychological disorder reciprocally influence each other.' Marital problems can generate or exacerbate some psychological disorders but individuals with psychiatric disorders are also less likely to develop satisfying marriages (Kurdek 1998).

Financial problems

Only 5 per cent of respondents claimed financial problems were the main cause of their marriage ending. Some studies have attached greater importance than this to financial problems as a reason for marriage dissolution (Burns 1984; Cleek and Pearson 1985, 1991). This discrepancy could be explained by the fact that respondents in the ADTP were asked to nominate the main reason for divorce whereas other studies allowed multiple reasons to be given without ranking them in order of priority.

It is also possible that couples may not recognise that concerns about income or insecure employment may underline some of the stresses and tensions in the relationship that contributed to its breakdown. Financial hardship can increase isolation, emotional stress, depression and lower self-esteem, which, in turn, can generate or exacerbate marital tensions (Kinnunen and Pulkkinen 1998; Yeung and Hofferth 1998). Marriage counselling and family support agencies have suggested that financial strains have a negative impact on relationships and family life (House of Representatives Standing Committee on Legal and Constitutional Affairs 1998; West-Meads 1993).

Responses did not allow the analysis to tease out the control of money as a possible concern as distinct from inadequate finances. The way finances are handled in a marriage can represent underlying issues of power and authority in a relationship that may contribute to overall dissatisfaction (Scanzoni 1982).

Work

Despite recent attention to increased pressures and hours of work in a competitive economic climate, and the effect on families attempting to balance work and family life (Glezer and Wolcott 1998; Morehead et al. 1997), work issues and work and family time were cited by only 3 per cent of respondents as the primary reason for divorce. Work-related demands and pressures that generate tension and stress may go unrecognised. However, they can spill over into family life in the form of lack of time, emotional and physical energy to invest in the partnership and children which can lead to marital conflict and dissatisfaction (Thompson 1997; Glezer and Wolcott 1998).

Approximately 63 per cent of women were in the workforce at the time of separation. Again, disagreements over appropriate gender roles and the allocation of work and family tasks, and autonomy and independence in the relationship, while not specifically mentioned as a reason for the marriage ending, may have been incorporated into responses of incompatibility or aspects of a spouse's personality (Greenstein 1995; Heaton and Blake 1999).

In-laws

Interference from in-laws as a main reason was mentioned by few respondents.

Other reasons

Although the intensive years of child raising has been associated with a decrease in marital satisfaction (Glenn 1998), few respondents (2 per cent), either men or women, mentioned problems with children as the main reason for the ending of the marriage. Several respondent comments referred to a partner's attitude to children as the cause. It is possible that concerns about parenting values and disagreements about raising children were subsumed in responses of communication, incompatibility or spousal personality issues.

Reasons: combined categories

The individual perceived causes of divorce were collapsed into three broad categories (affective issues, abusive behaviours, external pressures) to create a better opportunity for meaningful statistical differences to emerge. The 'affective issues' category included: communication problems, incompatibility/drifting apart, and affair by you or former spouse. The 'abusive behaviours' category included: physical violence to you or children, alcohol/drug abuse, and emotional or verbal abuse. The 'external pressures' category included: financial problems, work/time, physical/emotional health issues and family interference.

The responses 'spouse's personality' and 'problems with children' did not fit clearly within this conceptual framework given the way interview responses were recorded. Therefore, all the cases in which these reasons were reported, plus those coded as 'other', were excluded from the analysis (n = 25).

As Table 4 shows, 71 per cent of all remaining men and women perceived affective issues as the main reason for marriage breakdown. Abusive behaviours were mentioned as the main reason by 16 per cent of these respondents, while 13 per cent noted external pressures.

Notes: Missing cases=25 (problem children, spouse's personality and other problems) + 17 (no reason given). x 2(2)=48.13, p<.001 (women's reports versus men's reports). 
Source: Australian Institute of Family Studies, 1999.

There were, however, significant differences between men and women in their perceptions of the main reason for divorce (p < .001). Women were significantly more likely than men to report abusive behaviours as the main reason for divorce (24 per cent of women compared with 4 per cent of men). Although more men (79 per cent) reported affective issues than women (65 per cent), the difference was not significant.

As discussed previously, studies consistently report that women are more likely than men to attribute the reasons for marriage breakdown to the abusive behaviours of their spouse (Cleek and Pearson 1985; Gigy and Kelly 1992).

Summary

Over the past two decades researchers have observed a change in the nature of marital complaints perceived as the cause of divorce (Kitson and Sussman 1982; Gigy and Kelly 1992). Some of this change is attributed to 'no-fault' divorce legislation which, in Australia, for example, introduced irretrievable breakdown of a marriage after separation of 12 months as the sole ground for granting divorce. Marital misdeeds such as cruelty, desertion, adultery, were no longer necessary to be established as the only acceptable grounds for divorce (Carmichael et al. 1997).

Reviewing the reasons for divorce over several decades, Gigy and Kelly (1992:186) aptly observed: 'Whereas before, divorce was a solution more often limited to such stark and specific circumstances as desertion or chronic alcoholism, in the mid-80s, divorce appears to be most commonly sought because of a more general dissatisfaction with the emotional or affective deficiencies and tenor of the marital relationship.'

As discussed at the beginning of this paper, higher expectations of self- fulfilment in marriage and decreasing tolerance of unsatisfying relationships, combined with greater social and personal freedoms, have been reflected in the current predominance of the affective dimensions of relationships as reasons given for divorce by the study respondents.

Differences between men and women emerged mainly in relation to specific spousal behaviours. Women were significantly more likely than men to mention abusive behaviours, their spouse's drinking and drug use, and being the victim of physical violence, as the main reason for divorce.