Why did he commit to her and not me

Nearly every woman wants a man that can commit to a relationship. However, some women do not realize that their behaviors or actions can make men very frustrated and slowly withdraw from committing to the relationship.

For most men, commitment can be a scary thing and it becomes worse when they are pressured to commit. If you are thinking about how to get a guy to commit to a relationship, you should know the mistakes to avoid.

Continue reading to know the most common mistakes women make when they want a guy to commit.

How long should I wait for him to commit to a relationship?

There is no perfect time for a man to commit. That’s because timing varies depending on the situation, time period in life, and person. You can assess it yourself if the timing is right for you.

Therefore, how long you will wait depends on your goal. If you want to get married, especially if you are in your 30s or 40s, you can target a date.

What makes a man suddenly commit?

Nearly every woman wants to know what makes a man commit to a woman. Men want to commit to women who know how to value themselves. This means being a woman who knows her worth and is open to accepting the love and efforts her man gives to her. When men feel that they are connected and accepted genuinely, they fall in love and commit.

How long does it take a man to commit?

Will he commit? And if so, after how long? Well, for a man to commit and decide they want to marry their partner, it can take 172 days or 6 months, according to a study.

However, in research done with 2,000 participants who are single and in a relationship, it was discovered that they have different opinions on how long it takes to commit. 

Some people might think that non-commitment is a relationship red flag. What are some other relationship red flags? Watch this video to know more.

20 mistakes women make when she wants a guy to commit

While commitment is good, there are several mistakes that women make when getting a guy to commit.

1. Untimely bringing the topic up

Some women may have the “now or never” thinking when discussing commitment issues, wondering, “When will he commit?” However, because of pressure, they forget to consider proper timing. 

Men can be caught off guard, which can make them feel turned off. It is recommended not to discuss it if you are dealing with other issues or trying to focus on other things. 

2. Saying it out of the blue

Another result of pressure is women asking about taking the relationship to the next level out of nowhere. Asking about it while you are doing your groceries can confuse your partner. He might also not give it a serious thought. 

Therefore, if you want to have this conversation, you should choose a suitable time and prepare to discuss it thoroughly. 

 3. Always thinking negatively

Not only is it painful to be with someone who is always negative but it can also tiring. Men can’t tolerate this depressing and negative atmosphere forever. That’s because it prevents them from being positive and pushes their morale down.

As a result, they can’t see themselves settling down with this kind of woman. Also, having negative beliefs like all that men want is sex can make you devalue yourself to force your man to commit.

4. Making it a responsibility

Commitment should be a choice. Therefore, men are not responsible. Men can question agreeing with this if it is presented as an obligation. If you didn’t give a deadline about being committed when you started going out, you should not assume that he would do it. 

5. Not considering what your partner feels

You might be making the issue all about yourself. This is a huge mistake because your partner can realize that commitment is not something he wants. You must consider what your partner wants. This means not focusing on why you want him to commit. 

 6. Giving him too much importance

Whatever the relationship is, individuality is important. While it is important to care for the other person in a relationship, you should not forget yourself and make it all about them. 

Men do not like it when given too much importance or attention. That’s why your life should not be all about your partner and learn to be happy by yourself.

7. Comparing your situation with your friends

This is a serious mistake when you want your guy to commit because it does not end well. Comparing your relationship with others is annoying to men. He might see you as petty and jealous. He might also question your intent to commit because it may appear like you are doing it because others have it.

 8. Making commitment plans without asking your partner

There is no denying that planning for your future is good. However, commitment can change many things, and many men find it scary.

When you plan these changes without talking to your partner, he is more likely going to disagree with them. Therefore, it is best to talk to him about your plans. You work with what you and your partner want to plan your future and relationship well. 

9. Expecting your partner to commit

It is not justifiable to expect men to know what is in your mind. Men are not mind-readers. Therefore, you should not expect your partner to know what you want or think all the time. If you do, he might want to get away from you instead of committing if you do. 

10. Discussing marriage

While you want your partner to commit to you, this does not mean that you should bring up marriage. There is no problem with this if your partner wants the same. However, not all men want to settle down immediately.

11. Talking about having children

This is undoubtedly one of the biggest mistakes women make in relationships. You are not exclusive yet, so talking about having children together is a major no-no. Aside from making him feel overwhelmed, you will appear impulsive. 

You can discuss this in the latter stages of your relationship. Besides, many men date not because they want to have babies but because they want a partner in life. 

12. Withholding intimacy

Another common mistake when getting him to commit to you is withholding intimacy until you get what you want. Indeed, men are not mind-readers, but they know if they are being played. You can do this for minor things, but this is a bad idea if you want him to commit. 

 13.  Causing drama

There are men who can’t commit if they realize that their partner is dramatic. Men can view drama as a form of emotional manipulation. Therefore, creating drama to get your partner’s attention and have him commit is the last thing you want to do.

 14. Assuming he is committed to your relationship

You can end up hurting yourself if you assume that your partner is committed. That’s because he can leave the relationship anytime and leave you wondering what happened. 

 15. Overanalyzing what he says

When it comes to love, women seek assurance. Therefore, they tend to find clues or meaning in their partners’ words. For instance, some women say, “He says he loves me but will not commit.”

You will have more difficulty getting your partner to commit to you if you try to read him all the time. You will feel worried about everything he says, which can make you appear obsessive.

16. Telling others that you are committed

When some women think about what to do when he won’t commit to a relationship, what comes to their minds is to fabricate the situation. The last thing you want is to tell others you are committed while you are not.

This can become a major issue when your partner hears about it from other people and denies it. He might end the relationship because of being over possessive.

17. Asking too early

Asking too early can be a major cause why men don’t commit. It is a bad to have a guy commit after a first or second date. 

Knowing when to ask this question can make all the difference. Allow you and your partner to take some time to decide if you want to continue being with each other in the long run. In this case, it will be easier for both of you to commit.

18. Asking too late

On the contrary, asking too late can result in too many assumptions. If this is what you both want, your relationship should progress to that. 

 19.  Changing your mind about commitment

When you express your desire not to commit, your partner will keep it in mind. Therefore, if you take it back too soon, you will confuse him. He could also feel betrayed.

20.  Creating a plan so that he will commit

Some women tend to be too focused on the future. Therefore, they come up with a plan to pressure their partner when he doesn’t want to commit.

This stresses you and increases the chances of damaging your relationship. Besides, your plan may not work as you intended.

How do I convince him to commit?

Now that we know that commitment is optional, you are probably wondering how to make a guy commit to an exclusive relationship. Before you consider getting your man to commit, it is best to make the relationship relaxing.

Men can assess relationships depending on how relaxed they are with their partners. Therefore, you can take the time to enjoy each other’s company. You can show your partner how appreciative you are of him. Maintaining a happy relationship without the pressures of commitment is what makes him want to commit.

You should also not give ultimatums since he would be pressured to commit. If he is not interested, you should not force it because you will just end up hurting yourself. Instead, you show him you are worthy so that he will see no reason not to commit to you. 

Conclusion

Finally, you understand the mistakes women make when they want their partners to commit. This is inevitable because dating can be confusing. However, there are ways you can have your man commit without compromising yourself or the relationship. You also opt for counseling if you feel that you are not on the same page.