How to break up with your boyfriend without hurting him over text

Ending a relationship is never easy, and you may have a lot running through your mind. If you're planning on sending a long breakup text but aren't sure where to start, it can be helpful to take a look at some examples that you can use as template.

Table of Contents Show

• Why Is Breaking Up So Hard to Do?
• Avoid It? Or Get it Over With?
• Break-up Do's and Don'ts
• What to Say and How to Say It
• Relationships Help Us Learn

Break up text examples for long-term relationships:

• I wanted to reach out and let you know what's been on mind lately. While our relationship has been incredibly special and meaningful to me thus far, I am realizing more and more that we both want different things out of life. Despite nothing truly being wrong within our relationship, I think it would be best to part ways, so we both have the opportunity to go after our individual goals.
• I want to be completely honest with you. While I have enjoyed our relationship, I don't see us working out in the future. Something within me has changed, and my needs have shifted. I will forever cherish the memories we've shared, and I'd love to remain friends if you're open to it. I'm here if you have any questions or want to talk at any time.
• I feel awful doing this over text, but felt this was the best way for me to get my thoughts out as clearly as possible. Being with you has been filled with incredible highs and some painful lows, but we've always managed to make it work. Lately, I've been feeling like we've just been off. I'm not sure if you're feeling it too, but I've reached a point where I'm feeling like we're no longer the best fit for each other. As much as I hate to end our relationship, I feel, at this point, that it's the right thing to do. If you want to meet up and speak in person, I'm happy to do so at any point.

Some solid options for break up texts:

• I know we've always been completely honest with each other, so I thought I should reach out and tell you how I've been feeling. I so admire and respect your ambition, but I feel like our relationship has been put on the back-burner. I don't think this is anyone's fault, just think we have different relationship styles. I want you to be able to pursue your dreams, so I think it's best if we end our relationship.
• Even though we've had a pretty incredible relationship thus far, I know that this is no longer the best relationship for me at this point in my life. I need to trust my instincts and figure out what it is that I want out of a relationship, and I think it's best if I do that on my own.

Serious break up text examples:

• As difficult as this is for me to say, I have to admit that I've been oscillating between giving our relationship another chance and breaking things off with you. After some careful thought, I truly feel it's best that we part ways. While I have enjoyed our time together, I just don't feel like this relationship is fulfilling all of my needs at this point. I hope you understand that it was never my intention to hurt you, and I wish you nothing but the best in your life.
• Our relationship has been such an important aspect of my life for so long that I feel like I've forgotten how to just be me. While I'm beyond grateful for the beautiful memories that we've shared together, I think it's really important for me to be alone at this point in my life. Please understand that this is not about anything that you did or didn't do- you truly are such a wonderful person and have been an incredible partner. I'm so sorry to have to do this, but I hope you understand where I'm coming from.

If you want to end a casual relationship via text, you can say:

• I've had a great time getting to know you and can certainly say that we've had a lot of fun together. I want to be honest with you and let you know that I'm looking for a more serious relationship going forward and feel it's best if we break things off. I'm so appreciative of our time together and wish you nothing but the best.
• I am so grateful for the time we've spent together, and I've loved getting to know you; however, I no longer feel that this is the best relationship for me to be in at this time. I will remember the wonderful times we've spent together, and I truly feel lucky that our paths crossed.

If you're hoping to ensure that your breakup text is as polite as possible, you can say:

• The last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt you, but I feel it's best to be upfront with you. While I have loved dating you, I just don't see us working out. It's nothing you or I did, I just don't see our goals aligning in the future and feel it's best to end things sooner than later. I'm here to talk if you have any questions and truly hope you understand where I'm coming from.
• You are truly one of the most incredible partners I have ever had, but I'm no longer feeling like this is the best relationship for me. I feel like we've done what we can to improve our relationship, but we may just not be the best fit for each other. I truly appreciate all the special memories we've shared and wish you nothing but the best in your life.

After getting to know someone, you may find that you think of them as more of a friend than a partner. Texts you can send to end the relationship include:

• I wanted to connect with you and let you know that I've been thinking about our relationship and have realized that I'm beginning to see us more like friends. I really like you and truly wish I felt that spark, but I have to be honest with myself and with you. I'd love to remain friends if you are open to it. I'll give you your space until you're ready to talk. I hope you understand.
• I've been thinking about this for some time, and despite my efforts to make our relationship work, I can't seem to shake the feeling that we feel more like friends than romantic partners. I've been dreading telling you this as the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt you, but I didn't feel right not saying anything. I want you to know I think you are incredible. I wish you all the best and know you're going to find someone who is just as amazing as you are.

Sometimes dates just don't work out and are completely uninteresting. The chemistry may be missing and you may just not have clicked. If your date was boring, you can text:

• I wanted to check in and let you know that I enjoyed getting to know you a bit better on our date. While I think you're a great person, I just don't feel like our personalities were the best fit for each other. I wish you all the best.
• I wanted to thank you again for the date the other day. I really liked hearing about your interests and upbringing. Despite enjoying our time together, I just don't feel like we had a spark, and that's something that's really important to me. I wish you well on your future dating endeavors.

If you want to break it off with someone who was rude or inappropriate, you may consider texting:

• Reaching out to let you know that how you treated me on our date was completely inappropriate. I'm letting you know this in hopes that you won't treat your next date in the same manner.
• I wanted to let you know the comments you made regarding (insert subject) were rude and uncalled for. Please don't contact me again.

Know that if you aren't comfortable doing so, you don't need to text someone who made you feel emotionally and/or physically unsafe. It is perfectly okay to block them.

Short texts that work for many situations:

• After some thought, I don't think our relationship is going to work out.
• I've enjoyed getting to know you, but don't feel we're the best fit for each other.
• I wanted to let you know I'm no longer interested in dating- take care.

Breaking up with someone in a kind and considerate way is totally possible, but keep in mind the individual on the receiving end is going to interpret whatever you say in a unique way that you can't predict. Be sure to:

• Avoid delving into too much detail regarding why you want to break up
• Avoid blaming them for anything
• Respond to their questions in a kind and compassionate way
• Remember you've known about the breakup for some time, and they are just finding out about it

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In the beginning, it's exciting. You can't wait to see your BF or GF — and it feels amazing to know that he or she feels the same way. The happiness and excitement of a new relationship can overpower everything else

Nothing stays new forever, though. Things change as couples get to know each other better. Some people settle into a comfortable, close relationship. Other couples drift apart.

There are lots of different reasons why people break up. Growing apart is one. You might find that your interests, ideas, values, and feelings aren't as well matched as you thought they were. Changing your mind or your feelings about the other person is another. Perhaps you just don't enjoy being together. Maybe you argue or don't want the same thing. You might have developed feelings for someone else. Or maybe you've discovered you're just not interested in having a serious relationship right now.

Most people go through a break-up (or several break-ups) in their lives. If you've ever been through it, you know it can be painful — even if it seems like it's for the best.

Why Is Breaking Up So Hard to Do?

If you're thinking of breaking up with someone, you may have mixed feelings about it. After all, you got together for a reason. So it's normal to wonder: "Will things get better?" "Should I give it another chance?" "Will I regret this decision?" Breaking up isn't an easy decision. You may need to take time to think about it.

Even if you feel sure of your decision, breaking up means having an awkward or difficult conversation. The person you're breaking up with might feel hurt, disappointed, sad, rejected, or heartbroken. When you're the one ending the relationship, you probably want to do it in a way that is respectful and sensitive. You don't want the other person to be hurt — and you don't want to be upset either.

Avoid It? Or Get it Over With?

Some people avoid the unpleasant task of starting a difficult conversation. Others have a "just-get-it-over-with" attitude. But neither of these approaches is the best one. Avoiding just prolongs the situation (and may end up hurting the other person more). And if you rush into a difficult conversation without thinking it through, you may say things you regret.

Something in the middle works best: Think things through so you're clear with yourself on why you want to break up. Then act.

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Break-up Do's and Don'ts

Every situation is different. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to breaking up. But there are some general "do's and don'ts" you can keep in mind as you start thinking about having that break-up conversation.

DO:

• Think over what you want and why you want it. Take time to consider your feelings and the reasons for your decision. Be true to yourself. Even if the other person might be hurt by your decision, it's OK to do what's right for you. You just need to do it in a sensitive way.
• Think about what you'll say and how the other person might react. Will your BF or GF be surprised? Sad? Mad? Hurt? Or even relieved? Thinking about the other person's point of view and feelings can help you be sensitive. It also helps you prepare. Do you think the person you're breaking up with might cry? Lose his or her temper? How will you deal with that kind of reaction?
• Have good intentions. Let the other person know he or she matters to you. Think about the qualities you want to show toward the other person — like honesty, kindness, sensitivity, respect, and caring.
• Be honest — but not brutal. Tell the other person the things that attracted you in the first place, and what you like about him or her. Then say why you want to move on. "Honesty" doesn't mean "harsh." Don't pick apart the other person's qualities as a way to explain what's not working. Think of ways to be kind and gentle while still being honest.
• Say it in person. You've shared a lot with each other. Respect that (and show your good qualities) by breaking up in person. If you live far away, try to video chat or at least make a phone call. Breaking up through texting or Facebook may seem easy. But think about how you'd feel if your BF or GF did that to you — and what your friends would say about that person's character!
• If it helps, confide in someone you trust. It can help to talk through your feelings with a trusted friend. But be sure the person you confide in can keep it private until you have your actual break-up conversation with your BF or GF. Make sure your BF/GF hears it from you first — not from someone else. That's one reason why parents, older sisters or brothers, and other adults can be great to talk to. They're not going to blab or let it slip out accidentally.

DON'T:

• Don't avoid the other person or the conversation you need to have. Dragging things out makes it harder in the long run — for you and your BF or GF. Plus, when people put things off, information can leak out anyway. You never want the person you're breaking up with to hear it from someone else before hearing it from you.
• Don't rush into a difficult conversation without thinking it through. You may say things you regret.
• Don't disrespect. Speak about your ex (or soon-to-be ex) with respect. Be careful not to gossip or badmouth him or her. Think about how you'd feel. You'd want your ex to say only positive things about you after you're no longer together. Plus, you never know — your ex could turn into a friend or you might even rekindle a romance someday.

These "dos and don'ts" aren't just for break-ups. If someone asks you out but you're not really interested, you can follow the same guidelines for letting that person down gently.

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What to Say and How to Say It

You've made the decision to break up. Now you need to find a good time to talk — and a way to have the conversation that's respectful, fair, clear, and kind. Break-ups are more than just planning what to say. You also want to consider how you will say it.

Here are some examples of what you might say. Use these ideas and modify them to fit your situation and style:

1. Tell your BF or GF that you want to talk about something important.
2. Start by mentioning something you like or value about the other person.
   For example: "We've been close for a long time, and you're important to me."
   Or: "I really like you and I'm glad we've gotten to know each other."
3. Say what's not working (your reason for the break-up).
   For example: "But I'm not ready to have a serious boyfriend right now."
   Or: "But you cheated on me, and I can't accept that."
   Or: "But we're arguing more than we're having fun."
   Or: "But it just doesn't feel right anymore."
   Or: "But there's someone else."
4. Say you want to break up.
   For example: "So, I want to break up."
   Or: "So I want us to be friends, but not go out."
   Or: "So I want to stay friendly, but I don't want to be your BF/GF anymore."
5. Say you're sorry if this hurts.
   For example: "I don't want to hurt you."
   Or: "I'm sorry if this isn't the way you wanted things to be."
   Or: "I'm sorry if this hurts you."
   Or: "I know this is hard to hear."
6. Say something kind or positive.
   For example: "I know you'll be OK."
   Or: "I know we'll always care about each other."
   Or: "I'll always remember the good times we had."
   Or: "I'll always be glad I got to know you."
   Or: "I know there's another girl/guy who will be happy to have a chance to go out with you."
7. Listen to what the other person wants to say. Be patient, and don't be surprised if the other person acts upset or unhappy with what you've said.
8. Give the person space. Consider following up with a friendly message or conversation that lets your ex know you care about how s/he is doing.

Relationships Help Us Learn

Whether they last a long time or a short time, relationships can have special meaning and value. Each relationship can teach us something about ourselves, another person, and what we want and need in a future partner. It's a chance for us to learn to care about another person and to experience being cared about.

A break-up is an opportunity to learn, too. It's not easy. But it's a chance to do your best to respect another person's feelings. Ending a relationship — as hard as it is — builds our skills when it comes to being honest and kind during difficult conversations.